Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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