so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
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I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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