i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He did a backflip because drugs
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