i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
