My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Help me help you realize you are a moron
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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