we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
