We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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