remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
