Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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