come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
