We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
