I just saw a hot homeless man
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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