So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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