Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
