farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
