And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
