Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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