i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
