I accidentally burped into my bong.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
