Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
