I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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