well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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