wake up i wanna do it froggy style
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
