Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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