Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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