It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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