Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i now understand why vodka
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
