It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
