I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
