And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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