How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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