I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
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I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
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Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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