is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
and she was petting her beer can
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
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Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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