"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
