I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She's the barista slut.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
