Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I have tasted many bathrooms
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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