my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
