The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
