worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
