I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
