i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
