You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
