he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
