My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
