and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
