Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
