My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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