The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
