i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
