I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
