Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.