wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.