My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
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it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.