so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?