wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
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home. puking in laundry basket.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
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yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas