Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.