toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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