I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize