How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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