Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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