Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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