I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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