Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
