i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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