The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
