He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
