margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Vodka?
Forever.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
