I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize