My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
