dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
