I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
