She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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