I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
