I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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