I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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