This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
