Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
