I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
