so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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