just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
