I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
