On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
